A letter from a reader

At 64, my daughter opened my wardrobe and said, Mum, everything in here is beige

I have never written anything like this before, and I want to say at the start that I am not a writer and I am not in the habit of telling other women what to wear.

But four different people asked me about a dress at a 70th lunch at the club a fortnight ago, and I have now explained it enough times that it seemed easier to write it down properly.

It started at the end of winter. My daughter came over to help me find something for a spring wedding, and she opened the wardrobe, stood there for a moment, and said it.

Mum, everything in here is beige.

I laughed, and then I looked properly, and she was right. Beige, stone, navy, black, and one grey cardigan I have had since before my grandson was born. Rail after rail of it. Not one single thing in there that anybody would describe as a colour.

I did not choose that. That is the part I want to be clear about. Nobody decides to dress like that. It happens quietly, one sensible purchase at a time, until one day your daughter opens a door and there it is.

How it happens

I used to wear colour. In my thirties I had a green coat I loved so much I wore it until the lining went.

What changed was not me. It was the shops.

Somewhere along the way the shops decided that women over a certain age want to be invisible. Go and have a look. Rail after rail of the same three shades, cut into the same shapeless shapes, all of it described as easy or forgiving or flattering, which we all know by now is a polite way of saying nobody thought about you very hard.

And once that is all there is, you stop expecting anything else. You buy the navy one because it is fine. You wear it. Nobody says anything, which is rather the point.

What I had wrong

Here is the bit I got most wrong, and I think a lot of us have.

I had gone off dresses completely. Whenever I tried a midi I decided it looked frumpy on me, and I put it back on the rail and went home with trousers.

It turns out that was never the length.

I have since paid proper attention to this, and the thing that makes a dress look tired is not where it sits on your leg. It is the shape of it, whether it hangs off you like a sack or actually follows you. It is the fabric, whether it drapes or just sits there. And it is the colour, or the total absence of one.

The same length, cut so it skims instead of swallowing you, in a colour you actually like, reads completely differently. It reads as a decision. That is the whole difference, and it took me until 64 to work it out.

The dress is called the Sara

It is from Thompson Sydney, a small Australian boutique that has been quietly dressing women our age for a few years now.

The dress is called the Sara. A sleeveless midi in a soft green, with a subtle embroidered style pattern worked through the fabric, so there is something to look at without it shouting. It comes in a blue as well, which I will come back to.

It is light and it breathes, which with the weather warming up already is going to matter more every week from here. The cut is relaxed and it drapes rather than clings. And it does not crease the moment you sit down in it, which anyone who has arrived somewhere looking like they travelled in a laundry basket will appreciate.

That is really all there is to it. It is not complicated. It is just a dress that somebody thought about.

What happened at Lorraine's 70th

I wore it for the first time to Lorraine's 70th at the club bistro, with white sandals and my good earrings.

Four women asked me where it was from. Four. One of them was Jenny from over the road, who I have known for twenty years and who has never once commented on anything I have worn.

She said I looked like I had made an effort for once. I have decided to take that as a compliment.

What I noticed more than the compliments, though, was that I forgot about it. I did not spend the afternoon adjusting anything or wondering whether it had ridden up. I sat down, I ate a very large piece of cake, and I did not think about what I had on once.

The next morning I put it straight back on to take Banjo out around the oval, and felt completely myself in it. That is the rarest sort of dress. The one you can wear to something special and then wear out with a cavoodle first thing, and feel right either way.

Three things I have learned since

One. The sizing is honest. It runs from a small all the way to a 5XL, and it is the same cut the whole way up, not a different shape once you pass a certain number. I wish more places would bother with that.

Two. You stop thinking about your legs. The length simply removes the question. There is no bending down carefully, no checking, no wondering. It is a small thing and it changes the whole day.

Three. It goes both ways. Sandals and earrings for a lunch, or exactly as it is for the shops. And if the evening turns cool, a light cardigan over the top finishes it and you would never know it was the same dress.

About the price

I want to be straightforward about this, because it was the thing that made me suspicious.

The Sara is $65.95. It was $132.00.

My first thought, honestly, was that there had to be a catch, because you can walk into any shopping centre and pay more than that for a summer dress that will be misshapen by Christmas.

There is no catch that I have found. They are a small boutique selling directly, so there is no department store taking a cut in the middle, and they run a spring sale as the new season's stock comes in.

I did what I imagine you are doing now and went and read the reviews before I ordered. Just over three hundred of them, sitting at 4.2 stars. Not the suspiciously perfect five you see on some websites, which if I am honest made me trust it rather more. Real people, mixed opinions, mostly very good.

Then I ordered the blue one as well.

What I would tell you if we were friends

If you and I were sat out the back with a cup of tea and you asked me, this is what I would say.

If you have spent the last few summers reaching for the same dark trousers and the same loose top, not because you like them but because nothing else in the shops felt like you, then it is worth ten minutes of your evening to go and look before this summer gets going.

Not because a dress will change your life. It will not. But there is something in getting dressed in the morning and recognising yourself that I had quietly given up on, and I would rather you did not give up on it too.

Two practical things. The spring sale is on at the moment, and the middle sizes are the ones that go first, which I found out because the medium in blue was gone by the time I went back for it. And the first of the summer stock is already going, so I would not sit on it.

I have not worn beige since.

Dianne